The Zephyr. 11.

HER

She did doze off. So did he. When they woke in the dimness of the darkened car, they talked. They talked for hours, shared secrets, told silly stories to laugh over, and dreamed out loud to each other. And teased each other that there was no place to go. And dozed again.

She woke, sunlight coming onto her eyes. No, not the sun, but light. She closed her eyes tighter. Coffee??! Where was it?? Waking should be done slowly and with hot sweet coffee waiting to sip before the eyes really open. Slowly the movement of the train filtered into Caramel's mind and fought with the coffee need. The train! She was on the train!

Memory flooded her mind. A dream or? She wanted to dream on, and not open her eyes. A hand touched her face. "Morning" came a voice with a smile in it. She smiled back, and opened one eye to peek out.

"Caramel, how are you this morning?" Again with the smile on his face and in his voice, didn't this man know she woke slow and grumpy?

She opened both eyes now, and smiled back. "How are you?" he was asking again.

"I wake grumpy without my coffee," Caramel stuck her tongue out a tiny bit, and then laughed out loud. "I am surprisingly not stiff, and very happy. I am still surprised though." She chuckled then.

"Good! If I can surprise you and make you laugh, I've done my good turn for the day. Now I just get to be evil the rest of the day." Ben stuck his tongue out at her, and then he chuckled. "No distractions though, just time enough to arrange things. How far are you going on your ticket? Sacramento?" He reached in his pocket and pulled out a cell phone. "I need to arrange things before we get to Denver, and we will be there soon." He dialed a number, and smiled at her at the same time. "It is o.k., isn't it? A companion through Sacramento, hmmn, and where North? Eureka, Arcata, Trinidad? "

She nodded. "Arcata."

He paused a moment to push another button. "Do you have your tickets handy? Then I can match yours."

She pulled up her purse from the floor, unzipped it and got out her ticket envelope. She handed them to him to look at.

Ben spoke to a ticket agent and matched up the arrangements. He gave a credit card number to the agent and wrote a confirmation number on the back of her ticket envelope. He thanked the agent and flipped the phone shut. Caramel was still looking at him and was quiet. He laughed at her expression, handed the tickets back, and said "All arranged, I just need to pick the tickets up at Denver when we get there."

Caramel knew she was a slow waker, but this was fast. "I had something I wanted to ask you, but I haven't a clue what it is, and my mind is refusing to help."

Ben chuckled, and said " Well, I'll go get that hot coffee for you while you think on it." He stood and waited next to their seats.

She smiled. "I'll go get washed up by then." She grabbed her purse again, and a travel zip-lock out of her backpack. She ducked her head so as not to hit it on the overhead compartment, and stepped out to the aisle. Raising her head brought her almost to his chin, and she looked up to smile. He looked down and dropped a quick kiss on her lips.

"Go, and I will bring the coffee." His hand was on her back as they headed forward.

The Zephyr. 10.

Ben smiled at her. "You were going to say how happy you are?" He smiled at her again. She smiled back and he felt like he could breathe again. He didn't think he had been holding his breath, but it felt like it.

"Yes", she smiled, "I am." and her voice held surprise.

He laid her hand between his two hands and gently rubbed it. "I just need to touch you, to make myself believe you are real; that I really have you here, that it is not another dream." He looked down at her hand in his, small in his, and suddenly tightened his hand around hers. "Tell me."

"I am real, Ben. I am very real." She said it quietly, softly, for his ears only. She slipped her hand out of his and he let it go reluctantly. She reached up and touched his cheek with her fingertips. "I am very real." He closed his eyes at the touch on his cheek and stayed silent. She reached now with both hands and framed his face between her palms. "Ben, I am really here. You are really here. Open your eyes for me." He opened his eyes to see her staring intently in his eyes. He leaned forward a hair, not wanting to move from her touch.

"Ben, oh my, just... Ben." The last, his name, came out like a sigh, a whisper, a breath. And the dream was real; she leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. She moved back a fraction, and whispered "I am here. You are here."

Then he kissed her. A kiss with hunger, a kiss with the despair and fear he had felt when she said goodbye, a kiss with the anticipation and with the excitement he had felt as he caught the train. A kiss with all the nervousness and all the questioning, a kiss with the longing he felt now. And a kiss with the heady feeling he had conquered whatever it was that was hurting her, and that he had won that battle.

The kiss stopped as they both stopped to breathe. He put his arms around her and she laid her head against his chest. The feel of her leaning against him, her hair on his cheek, was momentarily overwhelming. "Oh, this is a dream, and if it is, I don't want to wake up." he whispered against her head. "Caramel, I have dreamed of holding you like this."

"I know." she whispered back. And she looked up in his eyes. "I know, because I have dreamed it too." He clutched her closer again at that.

How long can a person stay motionless? In a dim row of seats? Arms around her, he sat without moving. Feelings he didn't want to analyze ran through him. It crossed his mind that he felt like a nineteen year old ~ all heat and excitement, while at the same time he felt his age, and didn't want to move, didn't want to lose this closeness he had waited for so long, and that he had thought was lost to him.

"Is everything all right?" The voice of the Car Attendant came impinging on Caramel's ears. She looked up at the attendant, well, at his form. Her eyes seemed to be full of tears. No wonder the attendant was asking. She was crying, even though she hadn't realized it until now.

"Yes, everything is beautiful, " she assured him, and she smiled. "The gentleman is sitting with me."

"Very good," the attendant said dryly, "have a good evening." And he left.

Caramel reached up to brush her face free of tears. Ben caught her hand. "Tears?" he asked, his eyes forming the question as well.

"Just surprised, happy ones," she answered, smiling at him with rather watery eyes. "I didn't even know I was crying."

She made as if to move her hand again, but he held it fast. "Then let me, happy tears must taste of good things." And he moved closer, and began to lick the tears off her face, one by one. She caught her breath each time he licked a tear off her face. And each time, a small sound like a sigh, a small "oh", escaped her. Each time she sighed, she felt his hands squeeze slightly, clasping her, like an involuntary flexing of his hands. When the tears were gone, he moved back a bit and whispered/said her name, "Caramel," just that and nothing more. He stared down at her, and she felt him drinking her in.

Ben moved back a bit more, straightened a tad, and put his shoulders against the seat. He looked forward in the car, and said quietly, "Caramel, if you keep looking at me like that, that way, we will have to find a room." She made that small noise again, and his head turned to look at her. "Caramel! Dear God, there is nothing I want more at this moment than to make love to you. But there is no where to go. So unless you want to shock these people, sit back, my love, and rest your head here on my arm, and sleep a while. At least until our next stop. You are tired, I am tired, and damn it, there is no where to go!" He closed his eyes to shut out the look on her face, the look in her eyes. It might well take more control than he had not to make love to her right here. He thought of doing just that under his blanket, and the vision flashed through his mind. He groaned and tried to find a comfortable position to sit.

"Yes, Ben." came the quiet reply. There was a chuckle in that voice, he would swear it. She laid her head on his shoulder as he moved his arm around her more comfortably. "But this is on hold, not done." and this time he heard the chuckle, and his hand tightened again briefly at those words.

"Be good," he growled quietly, "or..."

"I will. " came the low, laughing reply.

The Zephyr . 9.

She moved so suddenly he was surprised. She hugged him and then sat back and said his name again. "Adam!" Then she hugged him again. She sat back and he grabbed her hand once more. This was not going to be easy still and he wanted to touch her to make sure it was real.

"Adam, I mean Ben, oh I will forever be calling you Adam, " she said randomly, " How did you? I mean where, how?"

He squeezed her hand gently. "I had to come. You sounded, well, so final. You said you had a vague desire to travel, to change. Then suddenly one day you were so quiet. The next, you logged on and said you would see me---when you got back and you didn't know when that would be, and then you said Goodbye, which you never do. I had to come."

"But how?" She motioned with her hand at the train car around them.

"You told me where you were going, to Sacramento. There is only one train leaving the Midwest to Sacramento each day. I had to take the chance. I booked to Denver in case I was wrong." He watched her face. He was waiting. There was bound to be more, and he hoped her expressions would give him enough warning.

"Oh my God, you followed me!" Her eyes opened wide. A flicker in them saved him.

"Followed, no! No! I came, that is, I came to meet you, to catch you. well, before..." He stopped again, not sure how to say it. Where was his glib tongue now?

"To catch me? Before?" Her eyebrows raised. "To catch me before what?" He didn't like that look. Something flashed in her eyes he didn't like.

"To catch you before you said Goodbye, for good. To tell you in person." He halted again, unsure. Her eyes were still flashing.

"And that would be?" This steely voiced woman, ack, he was losing her. Inspiration hit.

"To tell you in person," he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. "This, and this." He turned her hand over and kissed the palm. He looked back in her eyes. The flashing was gone.

"Adam, er, Ben, I don't..." She stopped when he kissed her palm again as he stared in her eyes. "I don't," He caressed her hand and kept his eyes on hers. "I don't..."

"Yes, my Caramel?" He almost purred the words.

"I don't know what I was going to say," she got out as he kissed the inside of her wrist. "Oh my God, Adam, Ben." She fell silent, staring into his eyes.

The Zephyr . 8.

Caramel... If I am mistaken, I'll go, but..." he stopped. "I'm Ben, well, Benjamin. You know me as GrizzlyAdam. Adam..." He stopped again, waiting.

"Adam?? My Adam? " Surprise and shock showed on her face, while her words were quiet. She just kept staring at him. "My Adam?" she repeated with a new tone. He didn't know if it sounded happy, or shocked, or get the hell out of here. He didn't know what to think yet.

"May I sit down? he asked, and prayed silently.

"Sit!? Oh yes, sit here, " and she scrambled to toss the pillow, coat and purse to the floor at her feet. Her face was hidden while she did it and he was dying to know what her eyes would tell him.

He slid into the seat next to her, and nodded to the ladies in front. They turned back in their seats but he knew they were still listening. Then he steeled himself to turn and look at her.

"Adam?" she asked again, still in that quiet voice. The look didn't tell him anything yet.

He looked down a moment , and did what he had wanted to do for months. He took her hand. He looked up at her and smiled. "Your Adam."

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" This time her voice wasn't quiet. The ladies in front jumped. "Adam!!" She nearly yelled it, and smiles broke out on the ladies' faces because it was easy to tell this time she didn't need them to interfere.

The Zephyr . 7.

He stepped in the aisle to just in front of her row, and placed his hand on the edge of the seat there. This was it. He stood silent, gathering nerve. She was arranging things in her seat area. He waited. She looked up and smiled.

"Caramel?" He pronounced the name slowly, and as in the spanish, almost 'Car-a-mel'. He thought he was prepared for anything. The emotions he saw flit over her face were so many that he was suddenly afraid. Afraid it wasn't her, that he had missed her after all. Afraid it was her and she would turn away, or that she wouldn't turn away, but be disappointed in him.

The surprised look gave way to a questioning look. "Yes, thats my name." At his hesitation, she smiled slightly. "Can I help you with something?" The look on her face changed again. As he watched, a look he had seen a thousand times on people who deal with the public came on her face.Impersonal, but helpful. He felt a flicker of anger almost that she didn't recognize him. Then the momentary fear again that she would turn away.

He realized she had repeated it again. "May I help you with something?" The ladies in front were turning now, ready to somehow defend her if she needed it. He heard, but didn't focus on their murmurs of support for her.

The Zephyr . 6.

HIM


"Lincoln Nebraska!" The Attendant nodded to the smokers. "Six minutes here."

The smokers filed out onto the station platform. He went outside with them. Small comments were being tossed back and forth about the cold at this time past midnight. The was nothing he could pinpoint in the comments to help. More and more however he thought he could tell which she was. Only one wore red.

If it was her, then she was the passenger sitting 2 rows in front of him, also on the "left". He didn't want to lose any time with her, yet it was fascinating to watch and observe her without her knowing. No pretenses, no guards were up. She was just acting like herself. Small chatting with her neighbors, pleasant smiles, and when the Attendant gave her two pillows, she offered one to a neighbor. She watched out the window, at what he couldn't tell in the darkness. He had hoped that she would say something, maybe even her name outside with the smokers. She never spoke her name once.

He narrowed the distance between them and opened his mouth to say something, and the train whistle blew. Damn! She smiled at him and got on the train. Climbing up the small staircase to the upper level where the seats were, he was determined to wait no more.

People were filing into their seats slowly. The train door shut audibly below on the lower level. He hung back a moment to compose his thoughts. This was it, something would come to him.

The Zephyr .5.

"Omaha!" The lights were still dim, but the Attendant came through and announced it quietly. The two ladies from in front stood, gathered jackets and purses. "What?" thought Caramel to herself, "Ahh." The ladies both carried cigarettes. This must be a stop to pick up passengers where you could get off the train to smoke. Caramel laughed silently to herself. Her one remaining bad habit, and she apparently wasn't going to have to give it up after all. As always, she remembered the post card she had sent a friend in college as a joke, "I gave up smoking, drinking and sex" which, when you flipped it over then stated" The funeral is tomorrow." She grabbed her raincoat, purse and headed out after them. Down the mini-stairs and out to the exit.

The Attendant was not right there, but the smokers were. No new passengers were visible yet. She quietly lit her cigarette and started observing once more. She chuckled inwardly at that too ~ she did a lot of observing now rather than doing. The trip was her first "Doing" she had done in a very long time.

Way far down next to the middle of train, the new passengers began to filter onto the platform. A few were pointed down toward her car, the farthest, by the same Car Attendant who took care of her car, and perhaps more.

She calmly finished her cigarette and began to think about getting back on the train before the seats could fill. The she stopped and decided she still had time, and she would be on the train long enough. Observing was more fun.

Most of the new passengers did not actually look anyone in the eyes except when they spoke to the Attendant. A few looked at everyone. The smokers next to her talked among themselves and generally gave the new passengers room to board without having to walk through smoke.

One of the new passengers stopped outside with the smokers and stood a moment. He put his suitcase down, straightened his jacket, and reached in a pocket. A cigarette appeared from his pocket and he lit it, seemingly without looking, for he was looking at the other smokers. He looked at each in the eyes, one by one, and nodded casually as if saying hello. He didn't join the conversations, but remained , observing she thought, much as she did.

The Car Attendant broke Caramel's train of thought when he swung the metal step stool onto the car in front of hers, and then walked back to her car. He stated they had finished boarding and they were good to go in now.. The young man put his cigarette out , grabbed his case, and headed in as did the others. Caramel boarded the train and headed back up the tiny stairs to her seat. The clang of her car's step stool hitting the floor sounded, and then the great door closed at the same time the train started moving again. Once more they moved through the darkness.

The Zephyr. 4.

The lights in the car dimmed and she reached for the tiny spotlight that was there for reading. Adjusting it and breathing a sigh of relief that it was adjustable, she continued jotting down odd thoughts and observations.

Suddenly her thoughts turned to why she was making the trip. She smiled at the thought of her family at the other end of the journey. It would be so good to hug them again. She closed the notebook and arranged her pillow. Out came her soft raincoat to use as a blanket, and she settled down. The ladies in the two seats in front of her continued talking. One directly in front of her, two rows up and also on the "left" of the aisle, was talking to another lady one row up from Caramel, but on the "right" of the aisle. They were comparing times on their watches, and the left lady stated "Two hours til the next stop." They then settled down as well, and all became quiet. Caramel dozed off in a contented drowse as the train settled into a rhythm that was vaguely comforting.

The Zephyr . 3

HER

She sat there writing in her journal. She wasn't sure who would ever read it but her, but it was a fun thought to imagine reading it years from now and see the whole thing in her mind like a movie.

She could envision all over the race through the night. Construction and the clueless slowed down the pace. The minutes kept dropping off the clock. The train was in the station, there were people getting on the train. She ran from the car into the station. No one there but an old drunk in the corner. She paced a moment, thinking what to do, and peered out the glass of the door at the train. She stepped back to the counter.

The door from the train side of the station opened and in strode a laughing man. "I bet you are here for a ticket."

She passed him her ID card, "Caramel Dulce". He pulled out the prepared ticket from the counter desk and passed it through the window.

He then started laughing again. "Cutting it a bit close, no? It's out that door to the left."

She half dashed, half stumbled through the door, trying to run with her suitcase. A Conductor was waiting at the train, and waived her to the last car. Up the stairs with the bag was no easy task, for the stairs were narrow and made to fit in a small space while her bag was definitely not. She decided quickly at the top of the stairs and turned left toward the back of the car. Seats were available by the windows there and she definitely wanted to see everything she could.

Caramel thought, " I made it right on the dot when I handed him the ID, and a minute late onto the train itself, but I made it. The train was still there because I had prepaid my ticket. "

Ironically, just as they closed the doors behind her, the engineer came out on the P.A. to advise that bad weather ahead had generated a call from the main office and the train was to wait for the go-ahead.

A cross-country train ride was a treat she had given herself. It was a desire left over from being a child. She intended to absorb every part of it, to view everything, and sleep could come later.

The Conductor brought her a pillow and asked if she needed a blanket. She smiled at him and declined the blanket. He moved on down the aisle and she noticed he checked with each person. The excitement of finally getting to do the trip was amazing.

She began to jot down the notes that would bring it all back later. The bag someone had made of a zippered blanket bag. The Reclining seats that had mesh pockets on the backs. The funny smell - half pleasant and half , well, half something she couldn't place for the moment. It wasn't unpleasant, just... just a tiny bit odd.

The announcement came over the PA that they had the go-ahead now and would be leaving the station. The train began moving, and the rain meant she she could focus on the inside without missing anything outside. The PA was then taken over by a man who began listing the times the Dining Car would be open, and the times the Lounge/Snack Car would be open. Or she thought that was what he was saying, it was too low to be clear. She fleetingly wondered if food was available 24 hours a day, or just at meal times.

The ride itself was a bit like driving on rough country roads, without the need to slow for tractors. There was a far-away sound of the train whistle, frequent in the rural area they were in. The whistle blew each time they approached a road or town she supposed. She was suddenly glad her destination had placed her in the last car. The whistle would be amusing, but not irritating. Closer at hand, she could hear part of a conversation taking place at the far end of the car. The conductor was telling amusing stories to the children riding there. Their laughter, and that of the adults in that spot made her laugh all the way in the back half of the car where she sat.

The words came on the PA that the weather looked better ahead, and that the cars would now be dimmed for the benefit of those who wished to sleep. The Conductor, or Car Attendant as he called himself, had achieved his goal. The children settled down in giggling pairs, and even the adults looked much more comfortable. They didn't seem at all worried about the wind or weather now.

She had pulled out her journal notebook and started to record the trip. There, up to date, and not even painful.

The Zephyr .2

He decided to make sure she was traveling without a companion. It should be easy to tell if he could be sure he had the right person. Ah, one more clue, he knew the rough age to look for.

He had miscalculated. The seat in the front of the car allowed him easy vision of only the passengers in the front half. Restrooms were not at the rear of the car as he had thought, but instead were downstairs, with access mid-car. As the Dining Car staff made low announcements over the PA, he realized that he would easily be able to go forward, but would have few excuses to go toward the rear. He had already glimpsed the faces and clothes of most of the travelers in the front of the car, and knew she was not there.

It was the matter of a moment to gather his small suitcase, coat, and carry-on bag and stuff the tiny pillow and train blanket under his arm. He walked quietly through the aisle, not wishing to wake the sleeping passengers. He chose a seat to the rear that allowed a much better view of all the travelers in the car. From here he would be able to watch and observe with ease. He made a point of stating to the Conductor on his next rounds that he had moved to be able to sit farther from the families with small children in the front half of the car.

Again he settled into his seat, satisfied this time. There were few conversations going on. Most of the passengers appeared to be traveling solo, but it was hard to tell if any were simply making use of empty seats to be able to spread out to sleep. Finally it dawned on him that there was only one row of seats showing double ticket stubs on the overhead bag storage, which meant only one couple/ two travelers officially sitting together in the back half of the car.

The Zephyr. 1

The Zephyr, the delicate, the gentle, the delicious Zephyr. The airy, unsubstantial and passing Zephyr. Yes, it is well named.
~~*~~

A chance meeting, mentioned, but not planned. How would he recognize her? How would he know her? Standing outside the train, waiting for the conductor to take his ticket, he mulled over the options.

Standing outside, waiting with the smokers, for smoking was not allowed on trains now.

He knew he would recognize her by what she wore, or maybe the voice, what it surely must sound like. Or her words, her phrasings. It was unthinkable that he would go all that way only to miss her.

Standing on the chilly, windy passenger loading area, there were four people, four possibilities. He would have to find a way to isolate some clue, to show him which it was. Suddenly he was shy, nervous at his own temerity in just showing up and booking a trip without her knowledge, without her agreement. What if she were traveling with someone else?! No!, No more If's. Now was the time.

He boarded the train and took a seat. He was fairly sure she was in the same car, for all the through travelers in Reserved Coach headed for the same area rode in the same car. Unless she had taken a Private Room?! No, he was sure she had mentioned she wasn't making that kind of reservation.

The Conductor came through to check tickets. Yes, a blanket and a pillow please.The air conditioning /circulation was already cold, or maybe just no heat turned on yet. He settled into his seat a little deeper. The lights were low, allowing passengers to sleep if they chose. It would make his task a little more difficult, but not impossible. He had chosen a seat at the front of the car specifically because the restrooms would be at the back. This would give him the perfect excuse to scan all the passengers. Surely one of them was her. He had a couple of clues to follow up on already. One - her voice, and two - her color choice in clothes. She had said many times that she almost always wore red.