The Zephyr . 19.
"You know most of it already. "she started, between sips. "I, well, it Has been a long time. A long time sinse I , well, er, you know I am a widow. And that I did love my husband. That he was sick for a long time before he died." She stopped. Ben found himself nodding to her. He waited, but watched her eyes. If she was going back into that other place again, he was going to pull her back.
Finally, he said, "I know, I remember." He nodded again.
"I was alone. I planned everything, and I did it. All. One day though, I stopped planning things. There was no point." She paused. He kissed her forehead. "For a very long time, there was no point." She sipped the coffee.
"He died in an October. I kept things going for my children. Now they are grown up and out living their own lives. So I stopped again. I mean, I got up, I breathed, I worked, I paid the bills. I went through each day. But no planning." She sipped.
"One day I woke up and realized I had been in mourning a very long time. Mourning a lot of things, the death of my husband, the death of my best friend, the death of my dreams." She sipped and a tear fell.
Ben took the coffee cup from her hands, cold, cold hands, and put it on the table. He circled her with his arms and held her close. He waited. He swore he could hear the clock on the wall ticking as he waited. Loudly.
She sat up slowly. No tears were falling, but she was still very pale. "I thought to follow a dream, to remember how to dream, I came on the train." She paused.
"And you love it." he inserted.
"Yes," and a tiny smile appeared. "Yes it has far surpassed what I expected." She tapped the end of his nose with her fingertip. "You surprised me. I wasn't expecting you, and you surprised me."
Ben dusted a kiss on her fingertip, and then on her lips. A tiny one. She was fragile, and liable to break. Like a real china tea cup, or a butterfly that could be crushed so easy.
"And the tears?" He had to ask. "Mourning still?" And then he held his breath. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he had to know, had to ask.
Slowly the words came. "Mourning, yes." She glanced at his eyes as he winced. Quickly then, "No, not what you think." She kissed his lips quickly , barely. "No, not as noble as that. I am not mourning the death of the good man that I loved. I did that already. He will always be there in a part of my heart. But I can go on. No, " He could have sworn she blushed as she looked down at her hands in his lap. "No, I am in mourning I suppose for something much more selfish. The death of my dreams. The death of plans. The death of tomorrow. The death of 'someday', of "sometime". "
"So today?" he asked , thinking back to the station.
She drew a deep breath and wiped her fingertips over her face to clear any tears. A smile of sorts came on her face. And in an overly bright toned voice, which still sounded to Ben like it could break at anytime, she said, " So today is all there is. Just 'today'. And if I hadn't gone loopy on you, a day to enjoy." A kiss, but not a real one, fell on his lips. He missed the other ones from before, the kiss with the twinkle, the kiss when she had just woken. All of them. He felt he had just lost something, something he had barely know he had in his hands. Maybe he hadn't really had it? But she was still waiting, still looking at him with that lop-sided smile.
"Then just today is enough." He answered her, a serious look on his face. "And tomorrow will take care of itself," he added, although he didn't know why.
"My purse, where did I put it?" She turned away then, wobbly voice and all.
He found he couldn't stand it."What can't I stand?" he thought. And words from who knows where popped out, " Just don't turn away, don't disappear again."
She pivoted in her seat and gave him a sad smile. "No, darlin', I won't, not without telling you. I promise." And this time she kissed him, a real kiss again.
Finally, he said, "I know, I remember." He nodded again.
"I was alone. I planned everything, and I did it. All. One day though, I stopped planning things. There was no point." She paused. He kissed her forehead. "For a very long time, there was no point." She sipped the coffee.
"He died in an October. I kept things going for my children. Now they are grown up and out living their own lives. So I stopped again. I mean, I got up, I breathed, I worked, I paid the bills. I went through each day. But no planning." She sipped.
"One day I woke up and realized I had been in mourning a very long time. Mourning a lot of things, the death of my husband, the death of my best friend, the death of my dreams." She sipped and a tear fell.
Ben took the coffee cup from her hands, cold, cold hands, and put it on the table. He circled her with his arms and held her close. He waited. He swore he could hear the clock on the wall ticking as he waited. Loudly.
She sat up slowly. No tears were falling, but she was still very pale. "I thought to follow a dream, to remember how to dream, I came on the train." She paused.
"And you love it." he inserted.
"Yes," and a tiny smile appeared. "Yes it has far surpassed what I expected." She tapped the end of his nose with her fingertip. "You surprised me. I wasn't expecting you, and you surprised me."
Ben dusted a kiss on her fingertip, and then on her lips. A tiny one. She was fragile, and liable to break. Like a real china tea cup, or a butterfly that could be crushed so easy.
"And the tears?" He had to ask. "Mourning still?" And then he held his breath. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he had to know, had to ask.
Slowly the words came. "Mourning, yes." She glanced at his eyes as he winced. Quickly then, "No, not what you think." She kissed his lips quickly , barely. "No, not as noble as that. I am not mourning the death of the good man that I loved. I did that already. He will always be there in a part of my heart. But I can go on. No, " He could have sworn she blushed as she looked down at her hands in his lap. "No, I am in mourning I suppose for something much more selfish. The death of my dreams. The death of plans. The death of tomorrow. The death of 'someday', of "sometime". "
"So today?" he asked , thinking back to the station.
She drew a deep breath and wiped her fingertips over her face to clear any tears. A smile of sorts came on her face. And in an overly bright toned voice, which still sounded to Ben like it could break at anytime, she said, " So today is all there is. Just 'today'. And if I hadn't gone loopy on you, a day to enjoy." A kiss, but not a real one, fell on his lips. He missed the other ones from before, the kiss with the twinkle, the kiss when she had just woken. All of them. He felt he had just lost something, something he had barely know he had in his hands. Maybe he hadn't really had it? But she was still waiting, still looking at him with that lop-sided smile.
"Then just today is enough." He answered her, a serious look on his face. "And tomorrow will take care of itself," he added, although he didn't know why.
"My purse, where did I put it?" She turned away then, wobbly voice and all.
He found he couldn't stand it."What can't I stand?" he thought. And words from who knows where popped out, " Just don't turn away, don't disappear again."
She pivoted in her seat and gave him a sad smile. "No, darlin', I won't, not without telling you. I promise." And this time she kissed him, a real kiss again.
posted by Unknown at 5:28 PM
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